It is the job of the grandmother to keep a family together. 
-Lois Wyse

When advertising executive Lois Wyse wrote those words 20 years ago, she was a successful businesswoman who had it all. She was an advertising executive and a self proclaimed free spirit who was at the top of her game. She was the woman who gave Bed, Bath and Beyond its name and she developed the famous tagline that has become a part of our culture:

"With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good."

Before she returned to spirit at 80, she gave us a best seller entitled: Funny, You Don't Look Like A Grandmother.

Described by one reviewer as a book that "offers humorous stories to explain the happy days of being a grandmother in this day and age," it was book about hip grandmothers who drove red convertibles and vacationed in Paris, and yet, in a reflective moment, this marketing guru saw the important role grandmothers play in the lives of their grandchildren and the family.

''It is the job of the grandmother to keep a family together,'' she told Carol Lawson of the New York Times.

This celebrity grandmother knew something about this. She had eight grandchildren of her own. From all accounts, Wyse was a grandmother with panache. What she didn't know, however, and could not anticipate is the way society would change the family and how vitally important grandparents would become in the lives of their grandchildren twenty years later.

I think Mrs. Wise would have admired and respected the grandparents and caregivers who filled the main ballroom at the Genetti Hotel and Convention Center in Wilkes- Barre, PA, on this beautiful spring day.

They were not free spirits. Most of them could not afford to vacation in the Poconos let alone Paris. They were not hip and their faces bore the scars of a society that has made them full-time parents in old age. If truth be told, most of grandparents in this room struggle every day to feed, cloth, educate and nurture their grandchildren.

For the caregivers in this room on this day, life is stressful. It is filled with legal battles, budget shortfalls and emotional challenges that would try the patience of a saint.

They know the heartaches, the hardships and the challenges that come with raising their children's children.

They were here to learn how to do it better. They were here to make connections. They were here to get help. They were here to share their stories of unselfish love for the children in their care who have been scarred by the destructive demons of our time, drugs and alcohol.

They were here because they are raising their children's children, and it is something they never expected to do in their golden years.

They cheered their champion, Senator Ray Musto, the person responsible for the conference and a man on a mission to help them.

They listened intently to a heartfelt keynote address by Dr. Darla Henry. This soft-spoken woman who looks more like a grandmother than an expert took these grandparents by the hand as she walked them through the emotional hurt and social dislocation that can be devastating to a child when their parents are not capable of responsible parenting.

Children need a sense of place and connection. They need people in their lives who give them hope. They need adults who they can trust, Henry told her audience.

Everyone has a longing to be loved, to be cared for, to be valued and to be important.

Grief and loss for a child is about feelings and emotions. Raising these children is not textbook. It's heart work. It's feelings work. It's hard work.

At the end of her presentation Dr. Henry shared a poignant video lifebook of a 16-year old depicting a child's journey in foster care. When it ended the room was silent as 250 conference participants wiped away their tears.

While most participants attended breakout sessions on a variety of topics, Kitch, Ellen Mondlak and I made our way to a private room where we conducted interviews with people who gave testimony to Dr. Henry's words.

Among our visitors were an aunt and uncle who care for two of their nieces, a county worker who adopted three children from the Philadelphia area while caring for two others whom she hopes to adopt, a woman from Olyphant who is taking care of her three year old granddaughter, a couple from Hanover Township who care for a 16-year old, a 13-year old and an 8-year old, and a grandmother from Meshoppen who cares for a 3-year old and an 11-year old along with her 88-year old bedridden mother.

All of these caregivers have several things in common: They are determined to help these children, they know first-hand the challenges that come with this life-altering situation, they grieve the addictive behaviors that ruined the lives of their children and necessitated their lifesaving interventions on behalf of their grandchildren.

All but one of these caregivers is retired, and none of these caregivers will vacation anywhere this summer.

Theirs is a life of self-denial and allocation of limited resources to make life tolerable for the youngsters in their care.

They appreciated the visit and the message of Lieutenant Governor Catherine Baker Knoll. They applauded the legislators who are trying to help lighten their burden.

As I watched them through the viewfinder of my camera and I listened to their stories of honor, responsibility and courage, I thought to myself, these are people to be admired, these are people to be respected, these are people to be helped.

These are genuine heroes. Every day they give everything they have to the children in their care and they ask for nothing in return. In fact, when you tell them they are heroes they get embarrassed because they believe they are only doing what they should be doing.

Returning to the ballroom for the final session, I took one last look at the heroes and heroines who occupied the seats at every table. The grandfather at Table 8 who had 5 brain surgeries, another grandfather at that table was living with five stints, the grandmother whose high blood pressure has ruined her kidneys, the aunt and uncle at Table 4 who gave up everything to raise two marvelous nieces while weathering unrelenting legal battles for custody and visitation rights.

As my eyes panned the room, I felt a sense of awe for once again I was privileged to be standing in a room full of heroes, genuine heroes not of the marketing kind, but the substantial kind, inspirational heroes who are saving children one day at a time, humble heroes whose names will never appear in 36 point type, American heroes who are not covered by the paparazzi, providential heroes who do God's work by healing the broken hearts and broken lives of children who need someone to care about them and care for them.

Einstein was right:

A person who does things that count, doesn't usually stop to count them.

Thank You Bill Longworth

Thank You Ruth Kemmerer

Thank You Craig Lukatch

Thank You Joe DeVizia

Thank You Dr. Darla Henry

Thank You Members of the Pennsylvania General Assembly

Thank You Members of The NEPA Intergenerational Coalition

Thank You Senator Ray Musto

Thank You Lieutenant Governor Catherine Baker Knoll for your words of wisdom

Thank you grandparents, aunts, uncles, foster caregivers, all heroes with a heart

(For additional information please go to www.raisingourgrandchildren.org)

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