It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.
-Anne Sexton

One of my favorite movies is the Legend of Bagger Vance. On the surface it is a story about golf. In reality it is a story about life…our life…the life of a father and a son…the life of a boy and a dream…the shattered life of a hero … the life of an angel…

Early in the film Bagger Vance speaks these words of encouragement to Rannulph Junuh:

Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing... Somethin' we was born with... Somethin' that's ours and ours alone... Somethin' that can't be taught to ya or learned... Somethin' that got to be remembered... Over time the world can, rob us of that swing... It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas... Some folk even forget what their swing was like...

The first time I heard these words, I thought of my father and his effort to work with his youngest son…to make him a believer…to help him formulate his dream…to equip him for the challenges of the real world.

My father’s words were not this eloquent. If truth be told, my father did not graduate from high school. He did not go to high school. His was a life condemned to the ruthless work of a breaker boy and later the PCP laden ground of the D&H Railroad.

My father was blue collar solid. A man with the biggest hands I have ever seen and a heart that matched. He was of the greatest generation, and his greatest joy in life was making incredible sacrifices for his three children and his wife.

He gave up everything so that my brother, sister and I could get a good education and be freed of the burdens he carried all of his life.

A few years ago when I met Wilbur Donald MacMillan, I saw my dad. Mr. MacMillan was in his 70’s…dependent on a portable container of oxygen because of a serious medical condition, but determined to experience what he confided to me was one of the best days of his life.

The place was King’s College, Wilkes-Barre, PA. The occasion was graduation, and the special event was the conferring of an honorary degree on his son, Doug, for the work he did in behalf of his friend Todd Beamer and the children who were helped by the Heroic Choices program of the Todd M. Beamer Foundation

Throughout the weekend his face was beaming with pride. As I watched him experience this special moment, I saw a good man, an honest man, a family man, a caring man, a decent man who spoke softly, and laughed joyfully when his grandson climbed under a table at the formal dinner.

I liked Wilbur Donald MacMillan. A man from Boston…an Air Force veteran…a man with leadership qualities who talked about his work in security in Florida, and his love of the place he called home.

The man who sat next to me at dinner was the kind of man Tiger Woods talked about when he said: My dad has always taught me these words: care and share. That's why we put on clinics. The only thing I can do is try to give back. If it works, it works. ”

I met his son in Princeton, NJ, at a training center…a place where he gave back again and again.

I followed his son to Shanksville, PA, where he spoke of loyalty, friendship and service to his best friend and his country.

It was obvious to me that the father was the son in so many ways and that is what made him so wonderful.

Toward the end of the story of Bagger Vance, the authors put these words in the heart and soul of the main characters:

Bagger Vance : Time for you to come on out the shadows Junuh... Time for you to choose...
Rannulph Junuh : I can't...
Bagger Vance : Yes you can... but you ain't alone... I"m right here with ya... I've been here all along... Now play the game... Your game... The one that only you was meant to play... The one that was given to you when you come into this world... Now's the time...

When Wilbur Donald MacMillan told his son to go to college to get his degree, and to give up the world of the auto mechanic, he was saying the words of Bagger Vance.

He was doing what all good fathers do…setting the bar higher than his own.

He was dreaming of a better world for his son…he was making a better world for us because of what his son would do.

He helped all of us find our swing.

I knew this man for a few hours during a weekend in May, but he made an indelible impression on my heart. I knew him only through the person of one of his children.

Yet, I am confident that he was everything that a father should be and more. He was what every son needs in a father.

The dream of every father is that his son will equal and exceed his achievements…his qualities…his contributions.

On that special day in May, Wilbur Donald MacMillian experienced the pride of a father.

On this day in April, we mourn his passing, because we know that in his life we have seen goodness, kindness and greatness. Anyone who would question this need only look at his children and the way he loved them and gave them the best that he had to give.

Wilbur Donald MacMillan had no wouldas and couldas and shouldas... He knew what his swing was like... He used it to make this world a better place in the things that really matter.

Kitch and I had the privilege of spending a very special weekend with Doug's dad, and based upon that visit we are positive that the Angel of Resurrection took him on the express route to heaven.

At this moment he is there enjoying eternal life and sending blessings to Doug and his family during this difficult time.

May he rest in peace, and may we have the strength to follow his lead here on earth.

(Photographs for this article were taken by Ned Rowan at the King's College Graduation in May 2004. Special thanks to Ned and John McAndrew friends, colleagues and former students.)

(This image of Bagger Vance is from a film poster, and the copyright for it is most likely owned by either the publisher of the film or the studio which produced the film in question. It is believed that the use of scaled-down, low-resolution images of film posters to illustrate the film in question or to provide critical analysis of the poster content for this eulogy qualifies as fair use under United States copyright law.)

Please send feedback to: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it